Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
