He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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