You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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