dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
