operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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