We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
