Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
