a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
