I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
