I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
