alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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