just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
