you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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