My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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