i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
