Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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