I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
