Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
