we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
