he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
