True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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