3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
