finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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