i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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