well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
