WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
