fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
