Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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