FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
