I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
