hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
