Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
