The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
