mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
