he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
