ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
