how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
