a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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