She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
