I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
