the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
