the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
