he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
