Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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