so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
