Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize