Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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