my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
