My room smells like vodka and shame
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
