C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
