the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
