i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
