I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
