Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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