Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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