you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
