Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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