He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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