Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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