do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
