I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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