I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
