I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
