i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
