Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
