careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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