If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
