You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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